We need to grow. Stretching and being curious allow life to expand rather than contract. If we become formulaic, or worse if we become stuck and stagnant, where are we? The choice is present in every situation.

In the Dream, Drozda, Acrylic/board, 18×24″

Each year in July the moon/month is dedicated to sensing new ways to Grow UP^, Rise UP^, Lift UP^, and Spiral UP^. It’s actually a natural time to practice Lightening UP^.
In my journey of creative healing, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) helped me to learn that there are three major diseases, seriousness, certainty, and self-importance. Self-importance is reported by Bandler and Grindler to be the most deadly. I see this as another reference to Lightening UP^.

Wandering and being curious is a natural part of the growth cycle. Yet, to grow we need to navigate the unknown. In August we enter the zone of TRUST. The more aware we allow ourselves to be the more we can learn to Trust the unknown. We Trust that we are capable of creating a life that feels like a fit.

I found an article in my file from 2013 titled Staying Conscious, by Madisyn Taylor. The link takes us to the Daily OM, an additional resource for staying balanced and discovering the Trust quotient in whatever situation or circumstance we find ourselves.

My eye goes to #6 of Madisyn’s 10 points. It speaks of the importance of finding our community…of choice:

 

6. Nurture your ties to your tribe. If you don’t have one, create a community that you can belong to. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a tribe, you have a circle that you are a part of. Its members – loved ones, friends, or neighbors – can be a source of support, caring, guidance, and companionship.

A short story:

My friend of fifty-five years phoned me on Memorial Day weekend.

I had heard from her two weeks earlier after she received the bouquet of fresh flowers from BD and me celebrating her 82 birthday.

Now she is in the E.R. and she is agitated. She explains she will be hospitalized for four days and her dog is alone in the condo. “Can you help me?” She pleads from several states away.

BD and I brainstorm: call the police, animal welfare, a shelter, or a pet sitter. What ideas occur to you? Notice how often and the many ways that you are being invited to fully participate in problem-solving.

A flash of intuition sends me to the studio. I say to BD, “I just created a Lifecycle recording for someone who lives the next county over from our friend and this person is the CEO of an animal rescue organization.” I phone and leave a message. Connection made.

It’s Saturday morning on Memorial Day holiday weekend. I leave a brief message. In less than half-hour my call is returned. G listens and tells me that she will see what she can do to get a volunteer over to the home to feed and walk the dog, a small mixed chihuahua. 

I phone my friend in the hospital and she gives permission for the rescue volunteer to enter her home saying, “I’m embarrassed. The kitchen and the living room are a disaster.”

Within an hour the volunteer arrives. Four cans of dog food are outside the door along with a leash, and the condo door is unlocked. “Open the door and call (the pup’s name)” my friend has said.
Now the volunteer opens the condo door. The dog is frightened and will not come, it stays on the sofa barking and shaking. The volunteer attempts to place water out for the dog however, she is “unable to make it to the sink.”  In a text to me, the CEO asks, “Are you aware of your friend’s living conditions?” I say there could be a hoarding situation. In each of our phone visits, she repeats, “I need to clean the clutter.”

The volunteer takes several pictures and a 20-second video, showing the dog and what surrounds it, and for the first time, since my visit fifteen years ago, I see the environment that my friend exists in. Two weeks earlier she had phoned to say how beautiful the birthday bouquet looked. Followed by, “I don’t know where to put them.” Now I see why. BD looks at the 3 texted images of her home and says, “This isn’t hoarding. This is trash.” Actually, it’s more than trash. My dear friend has literally buried herself in years of garbage. She has been existing in a landfill of her own making.

On Sunday, two volunteers return to feed and see if the dog will let them take him outdoors. The food left Saturday has not been eaten. The plate is infested with insects and covered with mouse droppings. The animal rescue organization is deeply disturbed by what has been discovered and feels tremendous compassion for my friend.

They clear trash and debris to ‘make a pathway so the dog can walk on the floor, also thinking about when my friend is released from the hospital there being less chance that she will fall,’  They also realize that they cannot leave the dog alone in this unsafe environment.

Two police officers arrive. They push the door open, look inside, and state that they cannot enter this “toxic environment”.
The frightened dog is assumed to be aggressive but is okay when approached and leashed. Outdoors with his feet on the grass, he relaxes. The volunteer, first on the scene, takes him home to foster until he can be safely returned following a clean-out of the condo.

That was Memorial Day weekend.

In the meantime, I am on a roller-coaster ride of attempts to secure help. After several dead-ends and taking the holiday weekend into account, I am left with no other option so I dial the elder-abuse hotline. I file a report. I then track down her brother on LinkedIn. Within two days his wife flies across the country to be the first line of defense. She is able to stay with her parents who live nearby. Four of her family members begin to clean out years of garbage & trash. Mice and insects have infested every nook and cranny.

My friend is funny and coherent for short periods of time. She has been able to navigate scheduling the senior bus service which takes her to the bank, and the grocery, but the bus driver and store clerks are not with her long enough to pick up on the mental disorders taking place. Even if they do suspect issues they would have no way to imagine how my friend is living. Her living situation is unimaginable.

The hospital can not keep her against her will so after 6 days she is sent home to the partially cleaned space and she resumes the trashing patterns. Next, she begins to wander outdoors, walking up to strangers and asking them to drive her someplace. The police are called. My friend phones me from the back of a patrol car.

The officer tells me that she is afraid to stay in her home. She wants to sleep in “the church.” I know that she has no connection with a church. She is outlandish, comical, and endearing. She melts my heart.

 

Donna, tell the policeman, you know me, you meditate. I just want to sleep in the church. I want quiet. I won’t bother anyone, I won’t harm anybody. I need to go to the church. What do they call it, the alcove, I’ll sleep in the alcove, on a pew. In the morning I’ll make breakfast for the minister. Scrambled eggs. Then I’ll leave. Please. I’m petrified to be alone. I just need for you to tell the police to take me to the church.”

 

This is our time to Grow and connect … the ninety days of summer offer opportunities to reconnect and strengthen our relationships with others. The ninety days of summer are referred to as the WE Field.

Circadian Circle of the Year, Drozda

It’s our time to reaccess our relationships with the idea that we are here to be mutually supportive. We are here to help. This is our time to put a spotlight on one another in ways that are for the highest good. Celebrate that we are here together at this most exceptional time.

These past eight weeks have been a difficult and heartbreaking part of my friend’s journey. Her sister-in-law has been flying into town every two weeks to continue creating the caregiving structure. Her daughter, who in this complicated multilayered story never lived with her mother, has been taking a bus and train to come into town to be of support.

My friend is now being housed in a rehab center. Her brain is not her friend. Yet, she is safe. She is being cared for. She phones me repeatedly leaving messages that filter through the muck and the mire of her early Alzheimer’s, dementia mental state. Over and over she declares her love for me. She begs me, pleads, implores, “Save me. I’m dying. Oh. Please. They’re killing me. I have to get outside, I need to smash the windows. Help me! Save me! I love you!”

My friend has no history of drug or alcohol use. This is pure mental collapse. She has lived in isolation for more than a decade her only connection with the world being a grocery shop once a month on the senior bus. TV is on 24/7 and our occasional phone calls.

We, humans, are strong and fragile all at the same time. We deserve to feel connected and supported. I recently rediscovered a small booklet titled The Golden Key by Emmet Fox given to me in 2005. I have found it valuable. I practice. I trust that my friend, and each of us, is in good hands. I trust stable, deeply rooted teachings that there is a Higher Power, an Infinite Creative Intelligence.
I trust as well Buddhist psychology. From the heart of the Buddha’s teaching by Vietnamese Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh.

The Four Noble Truths

Suffering – Happiness is sweet. Suffering is bitter. We all suffer to some extent. We have some malaise in our body and our mind. We have to recognize and acknowledge the presence of suffering and touch it.

The Origin of Suffering – After we touch our suffering, we need to look deeply into it to see how it came to be. We have to recognize and identify the spiritual and material foods we have ingested that are causing our suffering.

Cessation of Creating Suffering – Refraining from doing the things that make us suffer.

 

 

The Noble Eightfold Path 

Right View

Right Thinking

Right Speech

Right Action

Right Livelihood

Right Diligence

Right Mindfulness

Right Concentration

 

 

The Five Daily Remembrances

 

1.) I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.

2.) I am of the nature to have ill-health. There is no way to escape having ill health.

3.) I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.

4.) All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them. 

5.) My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand.

 

Nurture your ties to your tribe. If you don’t have one, create a community that you can belong to. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a tribe, you have a circle that you are a part of. Its members – loved ones, friends, or neighbors – can be a source of support, caring, guidance, and companionship.

It takes a village. Now more than ever we need one another. I encourage you to identify your circle of support, your team, and those who care for and will stand by you.

I encourage you to hug yourself.

Ask permission, if needed, and hug those that you love.

We are simultaneously strong and fragile.
Perhaps this month, August, we can each Trust to share our strength and Trust to admit our fragility…to our own heart if not to a trusted member of our team.

I send a hug your way and much love

d