Creek bed at Blue Bird Gulch Tree Farm, Drozda

Welcome to my first blog post in a year!

After a sudden injury on December 6, 2018, I required all of my attention to focus on and devote my time to healing.

It was early on that Thursday morning, which happened to be the 96th anniversary of my dad’s birth. The sun was dazzling as it reflected off the quiet cove.

The dogs usually run free and romp about our one-acre forested yard however that morning BD had asked that I take Junebug out on a leash to keep her from wandering to our neighbor’s deck where Kenny often leaves scraps out for the night critters.

Junebug is a squirrel hunting Mountain Cur and she can’t help herself when she spots a bushy tail. Our yard is home to dozens of red squirrels and unfortunately when she lunged to chase one my right boot caught in an exposed tree root. The tension of her brute strength pulled me forcefully forward and I crashed to the ground. 

I experienced a spectacular personal earthquake.

My ear landed beside my shoulder on the hard ground. I clearly heard the sound of my arm bone-cracking apart. I knew this was bad. Very bad.

I got to my feet, Junebug still in tow. I made my way across the garden and up to the house spontaneously reciting a “Jesus, Mary and Joseph” prayer.

BD came running. She drove me to the ER explaining that it was most likely a ‘football injury’. She described what happens to a player on the field when a collision causes an arm to be dislocated. She said with confidence, “It will hurt like hell as they snap the bone back into place but then you’ll be good-to-go.”

The reality was that x-rays at the ER showed my right humerus broke clear through. I was given a low dose of morphine, sent home in a Velcro sling, and told to keep the arm immobilized for a week as the swelling went down.

A week later I visited the trauma surgeon. New x-rays showed that in addition to the complete break of the humerus there was also the shattering of the top of the humerus bone. 

The trauma surgeon called it a “Humpty Dumpty break.” If you know the nursery rhyme, you’ll recite, as I did.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.

There I sat in the role of the shattered egg. Looking at the x-rays the surgeon counseled that ‘our goal is to eventually have you gain a range of motion that will allow you to touch the top of your head so you can shampoo your hair and also be able to reach the lowest shelf to put dishes away in the kitchen.’

I listened to his voice and thought to myself; ‘He doesn’t know me.’

He went on to say, “Think of the bone, touching lightly just above my right elbow, as the cone and the top of the humerus, which is now shattered, as the ice cream. Your job is to make sure the ice cream doesn’t fall off the cone. Your assignment for the next three weeks is: don’t move.”

He also described to me that the nature of the break was such that ‘if we had 9 other surgeons in this room, probably all nine of them would advise surgery. I do not.’ He gave me his reasons and I was relieved to not have incisions, plates, and screws as part of the experience.

The first phase of the healing process required three more weeks of complete stillness and ice packs.  I watched animated videos of how cells begin to regenerate. I visualized the process of cells talking to one another as I sat quietly day after day. 

I don’t traditionally take any kind of pain medication. I recall mother telling me on many occasions, ‘mind over matter’ and ‘this too shall pass.’

I put on my headset and used sound healing. I practiced my meditation techniques. For potential pain management, these were generally only combined and necessary during root canals in the dentist chair.

I quickly learned that broken bone pain is mind-altering on its own. I resorted after the first few days to toggling between Tylenol and another brand of NSAID however that didn’t work as within days my mouth was filled with painful sores … an obscure but noted side effect. Finally, in the third week, I began a very low dose of Tramadol.

In those three weeks of stillness, I became a student of bone repair. I learned of how cells communicate and visualized the knitting process taking place within the bone. I also asked myself if I had any frame of reference in my life for this level of pain and sudden traumatic change. I did. I will be writing about this pivotal part of the experience in the future. 

I slept sitting up for three months. I used, throughout that time, guided healing meditation videos to help myself stay calm, reduce stress and rise above the pain. 

 
In March the surgeon sent me to physical therapy. I quickly became obsessed with the slow and painful incremental advances in my ability to move the tight, inflexible break zone. My reward was that for the last 20 minutes of each therapy session a soothing heat pack was wrapped around my arm. 

I slowly returned to my yoga practice and began receiving a type of massage called deep tissue release therapy. I knew the importance of bringing trapped emotions from the trauma up and out of my body. Several times a week I had sessions to help clear my cellular memory. I also researched and subscribed to a series of laser therapy and chiropractic adjustments twice weekly.

Healing to the best of my ability was my one and only concern. Exhaustion, while the primary pain and initial recovery took place, was a very real issue. I had to face the fear that at this stage of life I might not regain my normal joyful state of ‘ALIVE! ALIVE! O! 

I learned that an injury of this magnitude would require a full year of disciplined effort for a complete repair.

I have now regained 98% of my original range of motion! I’m thrilled beyond words to have witnessed my body’s ability to regenerate its vitality, movement, and joyful momentum.

The experience has brought me to a new sense of identity that’s still making itself clear. I’m excited to learn what life will be asking of me as a result of this bone-deep authentic shift.

I’m grateful beyond words for all of the love and support that surrounds me.

 

Pay Attention Please

 

I’m excited to share a gift created just for you. This ‘Pay Attention‘ MP3 download provides a contemplative glimpse into the Mystery ahead in 2020. I suggest that you take a listen now, and again at the Spring Equinox, at Summer Solstice and once more at Fall Equinox.

Each listening will bring additional ideas and inspirations for remaining focused on the main event for us this year: change our thinking, become more creative than we have imagined in the past and propel possibility and potential forward.

2019 showed us a view that requires revision. Re-Vision. I shared with you here a bit of what that has meant for me. I had no voice to describe my experience as it was unfolding. It was exhausting to add anything extra to the body’s healing process. Many a day I wondered if I was teetering on the edge of depression. Time and again my inner guidance helped me to learn that it was extreme healing masked as bone-deep tiredness. I’ve faced a lot of resistance. I watched the part of me that wanted to be kicking and screaming leading me to dig around and find the resistance list that I offer to you on the audio file.

How does re-vision happen for you? What sorts of resistances pop up to attempt to block your next step? 

On the recording, we consider 12 forms of resistance. That way you can do a review for yourself. Next, in terms of re-vision and paying attention, I note that my subconscious mind throws patterns of doubt, indecision, and fear in front of me. Fortunately, I’m becoming more and more aware of these gremlins and I turn to face them. That doesn’t make for ease or comfort. Standing eye to eye with these mischief-makers is what I have found dispels their desire to stop me. How do you address your demons?

In 2020 we will do ourselves and those around us a favor as we take on the power to be unstoppable.

These are exciting and expansive times. 2020 will be offering us the chance to make real change. Consider the ways in which your life and its mysteries are calling you forward, offering you new areas to mine for growth and evolution. 

Have a listen to the ‘Pay Attention‘ MP3, take some jottings, leave a comment and email me your birth month and day (format example: 2/15) if you would value a 3 page PDF download of your personal 2020 energy.

SPECIAL: During the month of January, I’m offering a ‘Creative Energy Tune-Up^’ check here for those of you who have not worked with me before. This will provide you the ‘joy medicine’ that resonates with your reason for being. Email me for more information or if it feels like a fit order your Tune-UP^ now!

Enjoy the ‘art of the start’ that 2020 brings and notice the new view available as we learn to ‘think again’.

I look forward to hearing from you as you consider what you can share regarding the capacity to change-for-the-better as we change-our-mind in the year ahead.

I send all the best!